What
would you say if the significant other that you had just made a major
commitment to had recently been discovered to have cheated on you? What would you do about it? Would you wilfully blind yourself to this
person’s betrayal? Or, would you take it
seriously and decide that you had just made the biggest mistake of your life in
trusting him/her?
A
female cousin of mine (name is withheld) had this very thing happen to
her. When did her new husband betray
her? He did it only two weeks after
their marriage and he cheated on her only because he had discovered that, just prior
to their engagement, she had “cheated” on him!
But, the truth is that (when I asked her about their engagement and
subsequent marriage), she told me that he’d actually been ignoring her for
weeks and that she had no longer thought he even wanted to be with her. She didn’t think that he cared about her anymore. In her mind, they had practically broken up
without making it official. After she
told me this, I decided that it was a very interesting story to tell people
because it was such an unlikely series of events. It was definitely going to be a challenge for
me to make her story sound credible to anyone.
Kallie
(not her real name) had known Greg since just about the beginning of Grade 12
in high school. She had just turned 17,
and he was already 18 and a newcomer to the school. The attraction between them was instantaneous
and they began dating. Kallie was
unsophisticated in the ways of the world, innocent and naive, while Greg was
more worldly, confident and decidedly not innocent. In fact, he’d gotten laid for the first time
by his best pal’s sister when he was 13 and she was only 12. After that, he had capitalized on his
blondish good looks to get and keep the attention of the opposite sex. He didn’t care if they were younger or older,
single or married. He was only
interested in getting women into bed by any means possible. The women he knew were usually more than
happy to accommodate him; a few even seemed grateful. But, few could make him want to settle down.
By
the time he met Kallie, he was so used to getting his way with women that it was
an almost foregone conclusion that he and Kallie would get together. To tell the truth, there wasn’t a woman
around who could, or would, resist his charms, and he could be very charming,
indeed. To him, Kallie was just another
in a long series of conquests.
Kallie,
for her part, hadn’t even had a steady boyfriend until she was 13. When she met Patrick (her first steady
boyfriend), she was very attracted to him, as he was to her. He was 13, as well, and a star athlete at
their elementary school. At first, they
didn’t even indulge in kissing; in fact, they were quite shy with each
other. Instead, they spent their time
walking to and from school and to and from her place (or his) and talking up a
storm. Despite her natural shyness, Kallie
could be a real chatterbox when she wanted to be. And, Patrick reciprocated by being a good
listener. After they broke up, a year or
so later, Kallie would often reflect on her relationship with Patrick,
realizing that, over time, they might have become closer physically and that
she might have stayed with him. But,
being so young and innocent in the ways of the world, it was inevitable that
she would eventually meet someone like Greg down the road. In the meantime, she casually dated other
fellows that she’d met in her high school, but it was always platonic – there
was no sex going on. She was in no rush
to get laid before she was ready.
When
Kallie met Greg, she was still in no great rush to lose her virginity and
become involved in a physically intimate relationship. She didn’t believe that physical intimacy
should happen right away between her and her boyfriend; to her, it wasn’t
something that should be rushed. What
she did believe was that if her man wanted her body, he had to earn that
privilege. He shouldn’t be acting like
sex was his right and that he could demand it from her. According to her, when a woman is ready for
intimacy, she will let her man know (by her body language) what she wants with
him. Meeting Greg did not change her
conviction in this regard. So, how was
it that Greg was able to persuade her to succumb to his charms, finally?
The
answer to that question is simple: using
the strategies that he’d always used with women that resulted in success,
namely, being very charming, paying lots of attention to her, ignoring other
women, constantly giving her small gifts, and taking her to places that she
liked. For him, there would be little
doubt in the mind of his “woman-of-the-moment” (Kallie) who the most important
woman in his life was. A more worldly
and experienced woman might have caught on to his ways of operating and seen
them for what they were:
window-dressing. After all the
charm, loving attention and gifts he lavished on her, Kallie was swept off her
feet (literally!) by Greg, just as he had intended. She was in love with him.
And,
it would have great if it had been real.
It certainly appeared to be real.
Greg appeared to be totally sincere in expressing his feelings for
her. He appeared to be as much in love
with her as she was with him. And, it
certainly added depth to the relationship when she responded, in kind, to his
overtures. After that, it was only a
matter of weeks before Greg was finally able to get Kallie into bed.
For
a while, everything seemed wonderful; Kallie really felt that she had met her
“soul-mate” (if there is such a thing).
If she had known what Greg did with other women when he wasn’t with her,
she would have known there is no such thing as a soul-mate.
Eventually,
they got married. It wasn’t exactly a
planned thing; it just happened. After a
lull in their relationship of several weeks (when Kallie was almost sure it was
over between them), she shocked him by going out with someone that she’d met
recently at college. This action shocked
Greg, in turn. But, she didn’t do it to
shock him, she went out with the other guy because he paid attention to her and
treated her well. Greg, for his part,
wasn’t used to “his woman” doing independent things on her own. He always had to be in control of the relationship. And, according to him, they were still a
couple.
In
fact, Kallie’s action took him so much by surprise, he became extremely jealous
of her new boyfriend and reacted accordingly.
He decided to take her by surprise by suddenly proposing marriage to
her. She was so shocked, yet delighted
to receive Greg’s proposal that she accepted immediately. They got married at City Hall two weeks
later.
That
was seven years ago. Recently, I ran
into Kallie and she told me that her marriage to Greg had certainly had its ups
and downs, mostly downs. Now, she had
gotten to the point where she wanted to leave him and get a divorce; she was
just waiting for the right moment. I
asked her why she wanted out of the marriage now and she told me that when a
husband cheats on his wife with strange women, that’s one thing. But, when he cheats on her with her
girlfriends who then turn around and tell her all about it, that’s the time to
leave. Kallie said she needed Greg to
agree to a legal separation first (which would simplify things between them)
and then, after a while, she would file for divorce. She was just glad they’d never had any kids,
so a divorce would be relatively simple for them. She knew that he would not argue about a
property settlement since there wasn’t much property to settle anyway.
Eventually,
they got separated legally and shortly after that, Kallie met a man named Phil
during her separation who made her life much easier and more enjoyable. She didn’t think it would lead to a long-term
relationship yet, but she did enjoy his close friendship and his caring
attitude towards her. By now, she was
experienced enough to know that “love” can be a very fleeting thing. If it lasts between a man and a woman, it’s
more of an exception than a rule in life.
Moreover, she had discovered over time that happiness in life is hardly
a constant; you could measure it in “moments of time”. Uninterrupted happiness, in her mind, did not
exist.
It’s
really too bad that one has to suffer some major disappointments first in order
to be able to appreciate those fleeting moments of happiness. Kallie had certainly done just that.
As
it would ultimately turn out, Greg, after marrying for the second time, and
then divorcing after only two years, had begun to express a desire to have Kallie
back in his life. He had hinted at a
relationship with her again, more than once.
He must have figured out what a big mistake he had made by letting
Kallie go. But, she knew that his pleas
for a second chance were coming way too late.
She had suffered his constant indiscretions long enough to know that
some people will never change, no matter what.
published by Authorhouse, copyright 2011, Anne Shier. All rights reserved.
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