(From
the web site: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anorexia_signs_symptoms_causes_treatment.htm)
My
name is Kristin. I am 11 years old and I
first met Elena when she was 10 years old.
Her parents owned a very nice, large cottage on the shore of Lake Scugog
and my parents had been renting a small cottage there every summer for
years. She and I quickly became fast
friends; we hung out together all summer long.
During the rest of the year, we stayed in touch by writing letters or email
to each other and calling each other on the phone. Elena became one of my best friends; the kind
you would never want to lose.
When
she was 12 (and I was 13), she told me that she’d met a really nice guy who was
also 12 and that she just adored him!
His name was Will (short for William), and she told me that he was a
star athlete at school and very good looking.
She really thought she’d met the guy that she wanted to spend the
rest of her life with, but I told her it was way too soon to be talking like
that.
At
13 though, I was still “single” (so to speak), not having met the “right” guy
for myself, yet. However, I felt that it
was just a matter of time. Of course,
when you’re only 13, you don’t realize that you’ll have lots of time to find
that one special guy. I was happy for Elena
though because she was happy just spending her free time with Will.
When
we were 14 and 15, respectively, we were both starting to develop
physically. Girls our age normally
develop breasts that increase in size, and some girls also start their
menstrual cycles around now, sometimes earlier.
Elena was developing fairly quickly physically and was getting noticed
by a lot of guys her age as a result. I,
myself, was still very boyish in appearance (probably because I was a “late
bloomer” and also a die-hard tomboy!), but I felt that it was just a
matter of a little more time for me.
Besides, I was a track and field athlete at school, and I felt that
having bigger breasts and a menstrual cycle to worry about would just interfere
with my athletic activities. Elena,
however, wasn’t quite as athletic as I was, so she didn’t have quite the same
motivations as me.
During
the year that Elena became 15 and I was 16, she would write to me occasionally,
telling me that she thought she was starting to look too fat and
unattractive. I told her that that was
ridiculous – she was just going through normal maturation and growth, as
teenagers do. I was going through the
same things too and I wasn’t concerned about my body; it looked just fine to
me. If anything, my parents were always
telling me that I was pretty and smart and that worrying about what boys
thought of me was not going to change that.
My parents were always very supportive of me, considering that the teen
years can be a real challenge for all parents of girls.
Apparently
though, Elena’s parents weren’t being nearly as supportive of her. I think that the least they could do was to
tell her that they loved her and would always love her and accept her for who
she was. Is it too much to expect
parents to love their children unconditionally?
Or maybe, I was just one of those lucky teenagers. I suppose Elena’s parents were not very
demonstrative or verbally positive with her, as mine were with me. Still, I didn’t think that it was that
serious a problem for her. Nothing she
said in her letters or phone calls indicated that she was unhappy or suffering
from feelings of low self-esteem. In
fact, she had always appeared to me to be very cheerful and full of zest, and
that was one of the most attractive things about her.
One
day, however, I found out that Elena was not everything that she had appeared
to be, so far. For example, she said to
me, somewhat apologetically, how jealous she was of her younger brother,
Adam.
“Why?”
I asked.
“That’s
because our father thinks that Adam ‘walks on water’”, Elena replied, “and can
do no wrong. I think that he sees Adam
as a sort of ‘prodigal son’. His
attitude would be okay with me if he treated me well too, but all my dad wants
to know is how I’m doing at school – am I doing well in my studies? Lately, he’s also starting to notice my body
(in a sort of negative way), which I wish he wouldn’t, because it’s making me
feel very awkward and self-conscious.”
I
got the distinct impression, over time, as we talked more and more on the phone
and less and less through letter-writing, that Adam was definitely her dad’s
favourite child. That did not seem at
all fair to me. The teen years are
difficult enough without these other issues to contend with. I told her that I was here for her if she
ever needed me, and she replied that she already knew that.
One
day, during the following summer up at the cottage, I took a good long look at Elena
and now noticed that she appeared rather thin and gaunt. Her clothes now seemed to hang on her body as
if they were made to fit a body that more normal in size. But, I didn’t want to say anything about it
just yet to her; I just hoped that she would tell me, herself, what exactly was
going on.
One
evening, I was asked over for dinner at her parents’ cottage during the summer
and, of course, I accepted eagerly. At
first, everything appeared fine, but then I could see that Elena wasn’t eating
much – she was just toying with the food on her plate, pushing it around. There wasn’t much food on her plate
anyway. When dinner was over, her plate
still looked about the same as it had.
All she had done was to drink milk and water throughout the meal. I wondered whether her parents had noticed
this behaviour too. It certainly seemed
odd to me. Why wasn’t she eating? Didn’t she know what kind of harm she could
do to her body by not eating properly?
Was it conscious behaviour or unconscious? I thought that if Elena had some kind of an
eating disorder by any chance, I wanted to know more about the condition; I
really didn’t know much about it.
So,
I resolved to do some research on the Internet when I got home again. I really didn’t know much about this
mysterious condition. What harm would it
do if I knew more than I knew now? I
only knew that if Elena didn’t want to help herself, I would have to do
whatever I could to help her change her attitude and behaviour. She had to know that there was no point in
trying to “hide” her blossoming figure - much better to just accept it. In other words, accept what you cannot
change. But, Elena did need to change
her self concept into an accepting one as soon as possible. Maybe I could help her do that.
As
it turned out, I did find out some significant things about a condition called
“Anorexia Nervosa”. Here’s what I found
out about it:
“Anorexia nervosa
is characterized by an irrational dread of becoming fat coupled with a
relentless pursuit of thinness. People with anorexia go to extremes to reach
and maintain a dangerously low body weight. But no matter how much weight is
lost, no matter how emaciated they become, it’s never enough. The more the
scale dips, the more obsessed they become with food, dieting, and weight loss.
The key features of anorexia nervosa are:
- Refusal to sustain a
minimally normal body weight
- Intense fear of gaining
weight, despite being underweight
- Distorted view of one’s body
or weight, or denial of the dangers of one’s low weight
There are two types of anorexia. In the restricting
type, weight loss is achieved by restricting calories. Restricting
anorexics follow drastic diets, go on fasts, and exercise to excess. In the purging
type, people get rid of calories they’ve consumed by vomiting or using
laxatives and diuretics.
Anorexia is most common in adolescent girls and
young women, with a typical age of onset between the ages of 13 and 20. But
people of all ages—including men and children—can suffer from anorexia.
The difference between dieting and anorexia
Eating disorders, including anorexia, often begin
with normal dieting. A person may start dieting and exercising to get in shape,
but as the pounds come off, a desire to lose even more weight is triggered.
This cycle continues until the person almost completely stops eating.
Many factors influence this destructive progression
from healthy dieting to full-blown anorexia. For many anorexics,
self-starvation is a way to feel in control. People with anorexia may feel
powerless in their everyday lives, but they can control what they eat.
Restricting food is a way to cope with painful feelings such as anger, shame,
and self-loathing. Saying “no” to food, getting the best of hunger, and
controlling the number on the scale make them feel strong and successful—at
least for a short while.
Unfortunately, this boost to self-esteem is
short-lived. Anorexics believe that their lives will be better—that they’ll
finally feel good about themselves—if they lose more weight. But no amount of
dieting or weight loss can repair the negative self-image at the heart of
anorexia. In the end, anorexia only leads to greater emotional pain, isolation,
and physical damage.”
The first part that interested
me, with regard to Elena, was this:
“Anorexia
is most common in adolescent girls and young women, with a typical age of onset
between the ages of 13 and 20.”
Elena was in this age group. The second part that interested me was this:
“For many
anorexics, self-starvation is a way to feel in control. People with anorexia
may feel powerless in their everyday lives, but they can control what they eat.
Restricting food is a way to cope with painful feelings such as anger, shame,
and self-loathing.”
Elena seemed to be trying to
control her own life (emotions) through the misuse of food. And, finally, this part interested me the
most:
“But no amount of dieting or weight loss can repair
the negative self-image at the heart of anorexia. In the end, anorexia only
leads to greater emotional pain, isolation, and physical damage.”
So, in
the final analysis, the way I saw Elena, she needed to develop a much better
self-image. Her present negative
self-image could have resulted from her unsupportive parents who, apparently,
were more interested in their son, Adam, than they were in their daughter, Elena.
What I
really wanted to do, first of all, was to give her this critical
information. I thought that if we both
looked at the web site together and discussed its contents in private, she
might be receptive to suggestions from me.
After all, we’d been the best of friends for a few years now. Because I wasn’t an “expert” in this subject
area (who is, really?), I wanted her to get as much information as possible,
and get her pointed in the right direction.
But, I had no illusions about being able to “treat” her; for that, she
needed professional help and that was definitely beyond my capabilities. But, she knew I cared for her deeply and that
I would be there for her no matter what.
I could try my best to provide the support that she had been missing
from her family. Perhaps, over time, a
counsellor could also help her family get involved in the treatment process
since their support would be very much needed by Elena, as well.
It was
frightening to me that she had this potentially fatal disease. But, what could be done about it? Unless her family became more supportive of
her and expressed their love of her on a regular and consistent basis, she
might find it difficult, if not impossible, to beat this disease. All I knew is that I did not want to quit on
her and, if at all possible, I would try to get her family involved in the
treatment process. I would tell them
everything that I knew about this horrible disease that Elena had. After that, with lots of support and love, it
would be up to Elena to change her own attitude and self-concept for the better
and, thus, change her self-destructive behaviour. She had to know that the “ideal” woman was a
figment of someone’s wild imaginings; the only way to be truly happy would be
to realize her true and full potential as a young woman and be the best person
she could possibly be.
published by Authorhouse, copyright 2011, Anne Shier. All rights reserved.
