The True Cost of Murder (from "My Short Stories (Book One)") - by Anne Shier (a.k.a. "Annie")

(Based on an article from the Toronto Sun, July 5, 2009)

My struggle to survive and raise our family really began on August 2, 1991 when our darling little girl, 3 year old Kara, disappeared and was later found floating in Toronto Harbour, murdered, the brutal victim of a sex slaying by a man who had been a neighbour of ours, someone who had actually lived in our building. 

My husband and I (Sean and Kathie Kellan) were totally devastated when she was so suddenly snatched from just behind our west-end apartment building where she had been playing with some friends on July 10, 1991.  Her babysitter had left her alone for only 5 minutes, and in that short time, she simply vanished.  For the next 3 weeks, the whole community got involved with us in hunting for our beautiful little girl, all the while hoping and praying that she would be found alive.  Alas, it was not to be.  On August 2, her murdered body was found in the harbour and our lives changed forever.

Her killer, Donald Walter Sullivan, was charged 8 months later with her first-degree murder and in 1996, was convicted and sentenced to life behind bars.

As a result of the tragedy, my husband and I were so grief-stricken by her death that 2 to 3 years after the tragedy, we found we had nothing left to give each other.  Thus, our marriage broke up and we decided to divorce, albeit in a friendly fashion.  Sean moved to Winnipeg, Manitoba, and I stayed in Toronto to raise our second daughter, Bonnie, and our son, Conner who had not even been born at the time of his sister’s death.  Even Bonnie had been only 18 months old and didn’t remember Kara at all.

Now, in July 2009, Bonnie is 19 and has graduated from hairdressing school, and Conner is 16 and is an avid hockey player.  Emotionally, for Sean and me, it’s been quite a rollercoaster ride.  But, we decided that even if we couldn’t be good for each other any longer, we could still be good to our children.  It has been very tough, to be sure.  Jobs are few and far between these days for me.  And yet, a recent big strike by city workers in Toronto has occurred despite a recession, and many people would give their eye teeth to be able to have such a job.

I have now been unemployed for about 9 months.  Years ago, I was compensated by the Criminal Injuries Compensation Board to the tune of $10,000.  In my mind, it should have been closer to the maximum of $25,000.  But, the board said “I had not suffered enough”.  What did that mean?  Did they think that the loss of our child by brutal murder was not a ‘sufficient’ condition for suffering?  I had neither sought counselling nor taken any medication to deal with the horrific consequences of the tragedy.  So, I suppose the board thought that I was coping with the aftermath satisfactorily, but they were so wrong.

When I still had a job, I worked as a facilities coordinator for a law firm for 11 years, but last year, I was laid off.  Soon, unless I get a job of some kind, I will need to apply for welfare, since all my savings are gone and my employment insurance is about to run out.  It is very difficult being unemployed.  I have no benefits, so I cannot even take my kids to the dentist for a simple cleaning.  Meanwhile, Kara’s killer, now in prison for life, gets 3 free meals a day and all of his dental and medical needs covered, while I have to struggle along with very little help. 

Does Kara’s killer ever have to worry about anything financially anymore?  Where is justice?  How is it fair that Jane Q. Public (or John Q. Public) has to pay taxes for this murderer’s upkeep and comfort, while I have to worry about how to feed my family?

Conner says he will get a part-time job to help out, and Bonnie tells me that she will always be there for me and her dad.  However, that doesn’t change the fact that I am still having to look for work and would do just about anything as long as it would allow me to pay my bills and put food on the table.  It wouldn’t have to be anything fancy or high-paying.  Sean phones me from Winnipeg regularly, worried about me and the kids, and angry that we have to struggle so hard to survive. 

Not only that, he is absolutely furious that Donald Sullivan will never again have to worry about his own upkeep.  And, how dare the city workers go on strike for more pay when we’re all in the middle of a recession!  There is no justice anywhere!  The thing that really burns me is the fact that Kara’s killer is getting “the royal treatment” in prison, and I have to pay taxes to keep him there.  This just makes me realize how little justice there really is in this world.  Life has definitely not been fair to the Kellan family.  However, hopefully, we will survive.

I will get a job sometime soon, I hope, even if it’s only part-time.  Conner and Bonnie might have to help out too periodically, and we’ll have to cut costs as much as possible.  There’s one piece of good news:  Toronto Housing has now lowered the rent on our townhouse so that our rent won’t be as high as it was.

Every day, I look at my wonderful kids, Conner and Bonnie, and thank God for them.  But, at the same time, I can’t help wondering what our lives would have been like if Kara had lived.  How would Kara have turned out?  Would she have become a teacher or a nurse, or, like Bonnie, good with her hands at some practical occupation?  Would she have been athletic like Conner?  She was as dark-haired as Bonnie is blonde and I think that she would have had her own unique personality and interests in life.

I also can’t help thinking about the fact that my marriage to Sean might still exist – that we’d be all together as a family.  Sean and I would have spent our lives together watching Kara, Bonnie and Conner growing up into happy and healthy adults.  I know that we don’t always get what we want – that would make life far too easy for us.  But, what would really help me is to know that Kara’s killer is not going to live in prison like a king, having all of his needs looked after.  I would like to know that he is suffering greatly there; that he will have to fight every day in order to survive and, when he dies there, that our lives will be made better by it.  Meanwhile, I continue to pray for Kara and Bonnie and Conner and Sean and myself, each and every day.  And, I hope that, one day, true justice will be served, for Kara’s sake at least.

published by Authorhouse, copyright 2011, Anne Shier.  All rights reserved.